The fall school quarter is about halfway over. At this point, I'm not even sure of my own existence. I wake up, get ready and eat breakfast, and go to school. 14 hours later, I come home and stumble into bed. Most of that time is spent working with rats and pigeons, and testing human subjects in various studies. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't work on weekends, too, lol. Is this life? I think not. So, I have come to the conclusion that I am dreaming, or catatonic in a mental hospital somewhere, creating this "reality" to torture myself. Not that it's so bad - I love working hard, I love being the martyr, and I like having everyone around me impressed by my committment, hard work, and dazzling intellect (my words, not theirs, of course!). But I have no life, no time for the few friends I actually have, and no time for me. At least I don't have to worry about men! I'm still not over the last guy, and the last thing in the world I want is to have to think about dating. My spirituality is all but dead - I have no time to do anything by sleep, and typing this is cutting into even that! But I had to do something. I miss my religion, and I miss nature. I miss being conscious of my surroundings, rather than walking around just barely conscious of them as I think about my various projects. My goal for next quarter is to make more time for myself, and sacrifice less to others. I'm doing plenty to impress grad schools, I don't need to lose my sanity trying to do more than I actually can.

For those of you lucky enough to be able to practice, be thankful. You're keeping in touch with a part of yourself that goes dormant without attention. When that happens, you only feel like half a person. Believe me.